Schlagburger

Walking towards me early this morning was a 20’ish man with things in both hands. As he gets closer, I see in his right he’s holding a hamburger, in the other a large aerosol can of whipped cream. Holding the can over the burger, he spritzes a giant white dollop of whipped cream across the top and takes a bite. By the time we pass, he is already spritzing more cream onto his meal, with gusto. All the way to Caras I kept wondering what that combination tastes like. But more importantly, how in the world did he ever think it up? Did it come to him one morning while lying in bed, still bent out of shape from the night before but hungry for breakfast? Or was it late one night when he was desperate for anything to eat but the only things in his refrigerator were a dubious looking microwave burger and a three month old, mostly empty can of whipped cream. Necessity is not only the mother of invention, but also the Schlagburger.

Then again, it’s no different than dinner with Ferran Adria. Thank you, Jonathan Carroll.

Fat milk

Ok, this was going to be one of those innocuous Facebook posts, but then I decided to dedicate a modicum of net-poking to this… and fell down a rabbit hole of breath-takingly esoteric information.

First, the original post:

I will spare you the info I found regarding German dairy farming and the non-Fair Trade issues regarding the industry, and exactly what constitutes “Fresh Milk” and “Bio/Organic.” Suffice it to say everyone thinks they’re getting ripped off, and that everyone else is to blame. Start reading here if you’re really interested in German milk production, or here if you care about farming…

I began wondering what the caloric differences between the two types of milk might be, and what the long-term ramifications are. Karen and I believe strongly that Low Fat milk SUCKS. We assumed that there’s little point in drinking it, because the nutritional advantage is negligible, but the taste delta is huge. Larry Krug, my friend and former trainer/nutritionist, told me that ultimately it makes no difference. As the milk fat goes down, the lactose rises (in proportion) and the body simply turns that into fat anyway…

…but I have love handles now, and want a quick fix to my weight issue. Switching milk seems the perfectly consumerist solution to me. A decrease in the quality of life MUST somehow mean it’s good for me, right?

Right, I use about 150 ml per cup of frothy-milky coffee, and I have at least four home-made Lattés a day.

So, extrapolating from the label info on the cartons, which are now sitting on my desk and rapidly approaching room temperature, this means (Normal vs. Skim):

Fat – 5.70 g   -  2.25 g

Carbs – 7.2 g   -  7.35 g

Protein – 4.95 g  -  4.95 g

Calories – 100  -  70

No surprises, just as Larry said. The fatter milk has more fat (duh!) but the low fat stuff actually has slightly more sugar. They have the same amount of protein, but there is a notable caloric difference.

I don’t know how to create a nice comparative table for this blog, so follow me: When I multiply the 30 calorie difference times four, and then times 365, I calculate a calorie delta of 43,800. Considering that my daily caloric need (assuming I work out) is 2,600, this little analysis means my coffee habit is delivering 16 days worth of burnable fuel directly to my fat ass every year. But I don’t work out every day, and I have milk on cereal as well… and there’s cheese, and yogurt, and pancakes, and left-over Greek food…

Bummer, looks like I’m going to do what the Walrus suggested, and switch to Espresso.

I am NOT googling wine. I DON’T want to know…

Eierkuchen

I assume there will be many posts like this… After all, parenting is a topic that has fascinated mankind since Adam and Eve climbed down from the apple tree to set up a snake oil business. I’m sure they often wondered how come Abel was such a nice boy, and why Cain never listened… and whether the third son Seth would be like either one of them.

Even at this young age my boys can frustrate me, and I’ve been told it will only get more intense as they grow older.

I’m an early riser, I like to get up around 5.30 or 6.00 so I have a few hours to myself – coffee, music, The Daily Beast… At around 6.15 this morning I hear fierce battle thumps, crying, accusations, and curses I don’t use… The two older boys are battling it out, Hank has a bloody nose, Isaac’s hair had clearly been yanked, and all of this over a Playmobil police hat… we have three, but only one has gold markings, the other two are only silver.

I used my Tough Papa voice, and declared the toy Taken Away for One Day – the follow-on superlatives are Taken Away for a Week, and Thrown Away.

More crying ensued, to which I threatened Taken Away for a Week… and then there was just quiet, heart-broken sobbing, and accusing stares. Their mutual dislike had fused into a sudden coalition against The Meanest Father EVER – suddenly I’m Darth Vader.

Isaac is completely cerebral, and will argue every point. He doesn’t know when he’s stepped beyond the point of no return, and reduces my attempts at stern disciplinarianism into  helpless giggling. He will try EVERY angle. And if that doesn’t work he’ll take it to the maternal Court of Appeals.

Hank on the other hand is emotional, and easily hurt. He will pout, and I feel bad seeing him execute my orders in double time, while glaring at me.

Hugging it out usually diffuses the situation, and Eierkuchen make everything better immediately.

Allow me to share…

Yoram’s Eierkuchen:

Eierkuchen are a favorite breakfast staple in Germany, but like the French Crepe also lend themselves to savory fillings. They are not as thick as the American flapjack, and not as thin as their French cousin, but are simple to make and easy to customize. Take a filling of your choice, and roll them like a blintz.

Popular fillings for kids of all ages are strawberry marmalade, apple sauce, and nutella. Add some powdered sugar and a sprig of mint for presentation. Grown-ups will also enjoy treating it like a giant blini by filling an Eierkuchen with sour cream and salmon roe, or ham and cheese.

Ingredients:

4 Eggs
1/2 teaspoon Salt
6 teaspoons Brown Sugar
2 cups Milk (16 oz, 500 ml)
2 cups flour (300 grams)
1/4 stick butter (just use a lot)

Preparation:

Melt the quarter stick of a butter in the pan you’re going to be using. Mix all the wet ingredients (melted butter, eggs, milk) and then add the dry ingredients. Stir it slowly to avoid lumping. Bring a medium-size pan to medium heat, and then add enough batter with a ladel to cover the bottom of the pan. This comes easily with some practice, you can pick up the pan and swirl it.

Let it cook till it’s somewhat firm, and then flip it once. The second side can be allowed to brown a little more. Move it to a plate or cutting board, add your filling, and roll the Eierkuchen with the browner side out – solely for aesthetic reasons.

Serves four, but for two kids this recipe can be perfectly halved… Half results in four Eierkuchen.

Inventor of the döner kebab dies

Quoted from the highly readable Local, Berlin’s most interesting English-language news site:

In sad news for anyone who has been drunk and hungry at 2 am, the man who invented the döner kebab sandwich nearly four decades ago in Berlin has passed away.

Mahmut Aygün, the Turkish immigrant who revolutionised German fast food with his tasty creation, died at age 87 this week after a serious illness.

Aygün came up with the now ubiquitous döner while working at the “City Imbiss” snack shop in West Berlin in 1971. Cutting meat off a huge rotating spit, he was inspired to put it in pita bread and dress it up with vegetables and yoghurt sauce. Selling for two marks, the döner quickly became a staple of German street food alongside Teutonic favourites such as the bratwurst.

Although Aygün went on to considerable culinary success in Berlin, he didn’t make money from the thousands of kebab shops across Germany that copied him because he failed to patent his invention.

Still, he will be remembered by countless legions of döner kebab fans around the world.

Of course, döner kebap has existed for 250 years in Turkey… but Aygün was the first guy to make a sandwich out of it, and thus was created an easy and portable meal. And if you find a good busy place that sells a lot of them, they are actually pretty healthy. No preservatives, relatively lean meat, and a lot of salad.

I used to like the döner stand on Wilmersdorfer Strasse (right past the S-Bahn bridge) but Karen and I these days prefer the Pergamon Grill, a walk-in place in the Friedrich Strasse train station that also serves really good Turkish roll-up pizza.

Ice Cubes

A few days ago I had a really bad stomach incident, and was forced to forgo food for a couple of days. In the course of the day I ate a bagel, and drank some Gatorade to ensure I kept up with my electrolytes. It was warm when I bought it at the store, so I got some ice cubes out of the freezer in the house we’re renting in Los Angeles.

Well, the drink was foul-tasting, because the ice was yucky. There’s no other way of explaining it. Even though it came from the freezer, it was obvious that it had acquired whatever smells had been in the fridge over God knows how long, and the tap water it was using as a source was running through 50 year old pipes as well.

That afternoon, while suffering on the couch like a Civil War amputee, I opened the New York Times to find an article about a phenomenon I had already noticed previously: there’s an ice age going on.

What do I mean? Go down to Whole Foods, Bristol Farms, or any number of premium supermarkets or liquor shops, and you will find a whole range of high-end ice makers selling bags of super-clear, differently shaped ice in the freezer section.

Bottled water is finally on the decline. It has become unfashionable to drink bottled water in a time when people realize that the carbon footprint of mineral water is unacceptable – shipping it, cooling it, the petroleum and energy necessary to manufacture plastic bottles, and the fact that they’re non-biodegradable. My friends and family already know that bottled water is my little personal pet peeve – though I’m sure they’d be quick to point out places where I’m not that environmentally sensitive.

…but I guess the same people that used to sell bottled water have now moved on to pre-bagged ice. It’s a whole science, and of course there are plenty of internet sites dedicated to the methodology of “farming” ice. A big hit seems to be boiling distilled water, in order to release any remaining air. When you freeze that, it comes out crystal clear, not like that white ice coming out of the Sub-Zero freezer in the kitchen. The Japanese, as often, are leading this particular food science.

Shape matters too. You can get hollow tubes of ice, perfect cubes, bigger orbs (think small rugby balls) that have a minimum amount of surface area and thus melt slower while keeping your drink cool. There are also ices available specifically “dimpled” for those who enjoy chewing ice… to me those were always the nervous kids, or those too lazy (or tapped out) to go back to the bar for a fresh one.

I am glad I’m no longer at the age where I hang around bars. That post-teen early-career phase in life where you go to a cocktail lounge was never really my thing, though in retrospect I remember doing an awful lot of it, and actually having a good time. I guess I’ve always complained preemptively. Anyway, I was frequently annoyed by the slicker in a suit jacket who would order a highly specific drink in order to seem sophisticated – not in terms of its preparation, I do that, too. I mean the people who swear they can taste the difference between one version of a brand vodka and the other, specifying the mixer, and the garnish. “I’ll have a Grey Goose Limited martini with Noilly Prat vermouth, and a twist of organic lemon.”… Yeah, you’re a pratt alright… Well guess what: now you can hear them add the ice brand… “… with some Hoshizaki chips” or maybe some old-school Kool-Draft cubes.

One thought though… since reading the article last week, I have noticed the clarity and shape of ice with every drink that’s been served to me, and I can’t help but notice when they’re clear and cubed. I really like that.